At the Feet of Jesus: When Life Doesn't Go as Planned

Scrolling through social media can be especially discouraging this time of year. Our feeds are filled with celebratory posts of teens dressed for prom or proudly donning caps and gowns for graduation. We may genuinely feel happy for the smiling faces in those photos, but deep inside, many foster and adoptive parents feel disheartened.

For various reasons—whether the impacts of trauma, learning disabilities, prenatal substance exposure, or other challenges—our children’s hard-fought accomplishments may not seem “Instagram worthy.” Instead of celebrating publicly, we often grieve privately.

We grieve when life doesn’t go as planned:

• School is a struggle for our child.

• Our teen didn’t graduate.

• College may not be in their future.

• An older child can’t get or keep a job.

• An empty nest may never be our reality.

• Our marriage feels strained.

We deeply love the children God placed in our family, yet life looks nothing like we imagined when we first welcomed them home. Sometimes thoughts about the future increase our anxiety. We may see our children’s growing strengths and untapped potential, yet still wrestle with fear, frustration, disappointment, or grief over the future we once envisioned for them.

So what do we do with these feelings of discouragement? Where do we take our disappointments? Why did God place us on this journey?

Perhaps we can find encouragement in the story of Martha and Mary. While these sisters were not foster or adoptive parents, they did experience disappointment, grief, and unmet expectations. Yet God used those experiences to grow their faith.

Servant Martha

When we first meet Martha in Luke 10:38–42, things were not going her way. She had welcomed Jesus into her home, and there was much work to be done. Martha was busy serving and wanted help, but her sister Mary wasn’t helping. Frustrated, Martha complained to Jesus about Mary’s lack of support.

Student Mary

In the same passage, we find Mary sitting at the feet of Jesus, soaking in His teaching (v. 39). Martha was serving—a good thing—but Mary was sitting with Jesus, which was the better thing. Martha became frustrated, yet Jesus defended Mary’s choice to prioritize His presence above everything else.

Martha wasn’t wrong for serving. We are all called to serve, and Martha clearly had the God-given gift of hospitality. However, as Jesus pointed out, sitting in His presence and learning from Him must come first. When we are spiritually nourished, we can then serve the Lord with the right heart attitude.

Spiritual Growth

The next time we encounter Martha and Mary, they are grieving the death of their brother Lazarus (John 11:17–44). His death was not how they expected things to turn out. After all, they knew Jesus personally and had specifically sent for Him. There is much we can learn through their lament.

Growing Martha

When Jesus finally arrived in Bethany, Martha was the first to go out and meet Him. Her faith had grown. Even though she did not understand why Jesus delayed, she still believed in Him. In fact, Martha boldly confessed Jesus as the Messiah in John 11:27 (ESV):

“Yes, Lord; I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who is coming into the world."

Martha had grown from complaining to Jesus when things didn’t go her way to trusting Him when life truly fell apart. Even in the midst of loss, her faith matured.

Growing Mary

Next, Mary came out to meet Jesus and fell weeping at His feet (John 11:28–33). She too said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” Mary believed Jesus could have healed Lazarus. Yet even through tears and deep sorrow, she chose to remain at the feet of her Lord.

Spiritual Maturity

The third time we meet Martha and Mary is after Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead (John 12:1–7). The family hosted a dinner for Him, and once again Martha was serving—but this time without complaint, a beautiful sign of spiritual growth.

During the meal, Mary took an expensive perfume, poured it on Jesus’s feet, and wiped them with her hair. Once again, Mary is found at the feet of Jesus. As a result, the entire house was filled with the fragrance of worship.

Some scholars believe Mary of Bethany may also be the “sinful woman” who anointed Jesus at Simon the leper’s house (Luke 7:36–38). Regardless, once Mary encountered Jesus, her life was transformed. Along with Martha and Lazarus, she became one of His devoted disciples.

At the Feet of Jesus

Mary lived her life at the feet of Jesus. She learned at His feet, grieved at His feet, poured out her pain at His feet, worshipped at His feet, and ultimately learned to trust Him there.

When Lazarus died, Mary experienced a crisis of faith. Life did not unfold the way she hoped. She expected Jesus to show up sooner—to fix things according to her timeline and her expectations. Yet at His feet, she learned:

• Jesus does show up—on His timetable.

• He has a plan—His plan.

• He is trustworthy.

Jesus shows up for us too. He has a plan for us and for our children. We can trust Him on the good days when things seem to be going well—a child learns to read, graduates, earns a driver’s license, gets a job, or moves toward independence.

We can also trust Him when life doesn’t go as we expected.

Maybe a child heads to trade school instead of college. Perhaps they can only manage a part-time job with the help of a job coach. Maybe we are homeschooling in our fifties while simultaneously caring for aging parents. Perhaps we are visiting a child in a group home or jail. Maybe we have had to pursue guardianship. Perhaps an empty nest no longer seems possible.

At some point, we must surrender our expectations and release our carefully laid plans in exchange for God’s plan. And the place to begin is at the feet of Jesus.

Like Mary of Bethany, may we be found at the feet of Jesus:

• Learning

• Lamenting

• Worshipping

• Trusting

• Growing

When we take time each day to sit at His feet—to read His Word, pour out our hearts in prayer, and lift our hands in worship and gratitude—our faith grows there. And in His presence, we find the strength we need for this journey.