Christmas: A Time of Celebration and Struggle for Foster or Adoptive Parents

Do you find the Christmas season a time of celebration or struggle? The holidays are supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year, yet they can become a mix of joy and sadness.

Christmas is meant to be a joyous jubilee celebrating the birth of Christ. Yet the season can also trigger loss, trauma, and grief for our kids—and for us. So how do foster and adoptive parents navigate both hope and hurt during the holidays? We begin by praising God and pouring out our hearts to Him.

Praising God

December marks the season of Advent, when we anticipate the arrival of Jesus. The coming of our Savior is certainly worth celebrating.

Psalm 62:5–8 (NLT) says:“Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken. My victory and honor come from God alone. He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me. O my people, trust him at all times. Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge.”

This psalm reminds us why we praise God and celebrate His name:

• Our hope is in Him

• He is our rock, salvation, and fortress

• In Him we have victory

• He is our refuge—our protection from the enemy

• He is trustworthy

• He invites us to pour out our hearts to Him

God is good all the time, but we all walk through seasons of suffering. How can we glorify the Lord when we’re hurting? We start with gratitude and praise—thanking God and honoring Him with our words, attitudes, and actions.

Ways to Praise

• Keep a gratitude journal to record reasons to praise God

• Take a walk and magnify Him for the beauty of His creation

• Serve at church, a food pantry, or a local mission

• Donate to a family in need

• Bake cookies and deliver them to a single mom or elderly neighbor

There are countless ways to praise God this holiday season. When we express gratitude and serve others in Jesus’s name, He is glorified—and our hearts are warmed by His goodness.

Pour Out Your Heart

The God of hope is not only worthy of praise—He’s trustworthy. We can bring our pain to Him. Psalm 62:8 tells us to “pour out your heart to Him.” The Lord invites us to share our struggles with Him.

The adoption and foster care journey is often marked by suffering, and the holidays can amplify the hurt. Our kids ache for their first families, carry the weight of trauma, and often wrestle with challenges stemming from prenatal substance exposure. As parents and caregivers, we shoulder their pain along with our own. We, too, have experienced loss and carry tremendous stress.

Yet sharing our suffering with God is a gift.

In Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy: Discovering the Grace of Lament, Mark Vroegop describes lament as the honest cry of a hurting heart wrestling with the paradox of pain and the promise of God’s goodness. Giving voice to the deep emotions of our struggles—even venting them to God—is a pathway to praise.

Vroegop writes, “We are never more aware of our frailty than when hardship comes our way. This is one of the blessings of suffering if we allow lament to lead us. The various trials of life can become the place where we celebrate our need for God’s help.”

Turning to God in our suffering draws us nearer to Him. Whether or not our prayers are answered in the way we hope, the presence of Jesus—the miracle of Christmas—fills us with hope. This is why we can praise Him even in our troubles. He draws near to the brokenhearted and saves those crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18 NIV).

Immanuel—God with us—came to us that first Christmas long ago, and He still comes near in our pain today. We grow closer to the Lord through our struggles and suffering, and lament guides us from pain to deeper intimacy with the One who came to save us.

The Process of Lament

In Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy, Vroegop outlines four steps of lament: turn, complain, ask, and trust.

1. Turn to the Lord in prayer.

2. Pour out your complaints to Him.

3. Ask Him to help.

4. Trust Him with the outcome.

   
   

As Christians, we don’t simply cry over our heartaches—we turn to the Lord. He gives us permission to bring our complaints to Him, not to grumble aimlessly, but to humbly present our pain before a loving Father. Then we ask Him for help.

The baby born in Bethlehem grew up to be a Man of Sorrows, acquainted with grief (Isaiah 53:3). We can pour out our hearts to Him. Nothing is too hard or too heavy for the Lord—He already knows our suffering and has experienced pain Himself. When we bring our burdens to Him and ask for help, our trust grows deeper, and we grow closer to Him.

Come to Jesus

Jesus—the reason for the season—is why we can celebrate Christmas even in the midst of trials. In John 16:33 (ESV), He says, “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

Even during the holidays, when our struggles may feel heavier, we still have reason to rejoice. Jesus was born. He suffered and died. He rose again. And His Spirit now fills our hearts with hope, peace, joy, and love.

Jesus came to us—so let’s come to Him.Spend time this holiday season praising your Savior and pouring out your heart to Him.

My Gift to You

Throughout the month of December be sure to listen to the Adoption and Foster Care Journey podcast. Each week I’ll share an Advent-themed message of hope, peace, joy, and love, along with a Holiday Survival Tip and a prayer for parents and caregivers. 

Merry Christmas!

Sandra