Back to School: Big Behaviors, Brain-Based Needs, and How to Support Our Kids

It’s the most wonderful time of the year—backpacks, books, and… big behaviors.

While many parents look forward to the start of the school year, foster and adoptive parents often brace themselves for the challenges that come with it. For children with trauma histories or brain-based differences, school can be overwhelming, confusing, and dysregulating—and that often means more stress at home, too.

This is the first September in 30 years that I don’t have a child in school. We homeschooled all eight of our children for much of that time, though we’ve also had kids in private Christian schools and public special education programs.

Over those decades, I’ve learned how deeply trauma and prenatal exposure—especially to alcohol—can affect brain development. In turn, this impacts a child’s ability to learn, communicate, regulate emotions, and navigate social situations. In this post, I’ll share some of what I’ve learned—along with practical strategies to help you support your child through the school year, no matter what educational path you choose.

Trauma, FASD, and the Brain

The difficult behaviors many children in foster and adoptive homes exhibit are often symptoms of early trauma—whether that trauma occurred in utero, during infancy, or in childhood. These experiences physically shape how a child’s brain develops and functions.

Many of us—myself included—have tried to figure out the root cause of a child’s behavior: Is it trauma? ADHD? Neglect? Prenatal alcohol or drug exposure?

Often, the answer is: all of the above. And sometimes, we never really know. Thankfully, many of the strategies that help are effective regardless of the exact cause.

Understanding FASD and Its Primary Symptoms

As foster and adoptive parents, we often understand that our children have experienced trauma. What’s less commonly recognized is how prevalent Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD) is.

In the general population, FASD affects 1 in 20 school-age children. Among kids in the child welfare system, the rates are even higher. According to the National Library of Medicine:

• Nearly 20% of children in foster care have an FASD.

• Over 30% of children diagnosed with FASD are placed into foster care.

• 86% of youth exposed to alcohol prenatally are either misdiagnosed or never diagnosed at all.

  
  

This means if you’re fostering or adopting, it’s highly likely you’re raising a child with an FASD, whether diagnosed or not.

Many FASD symptoms overlap with other brain-based conditions like ADHD, autism, and trauma-related disorders. These are just some of the primary symptoms you may see:

• Developmental dysmaturity (acting younger than their age)

• Sensory processing challenges

• Nutritional and feeding issues

• Receptive and expressive language delays

• Slower processing speed

• Memory and learning difficulties

• Concrete thinking (struggles with abstract concepts like time and money)

• Executive dysfunction

Executive Function and the Brain

The brain develops from the bottom up. The prefrontal cortex—responsible for executive function—is the last area to fully develop.

Executive function includes:

• Impulse control

• Planning and organizing

• Transitioning between tasks

• Self-regulation

• Attention and focus

• Short-term memory

Let’s look at how these brain-based symptoms show up in the school environment.

How Symptoms Show Up at School:

• Dysmaturity and Social Struggles

Children who’ve experienced trauma or prenatal exposure often seem “younger” than their age. This isn’t regression or misbehavior—it’s developmental delay. As kids enter middle or high school, this gap becomes more obvious, and social challenges intensify.

They may gravitate toward younger peers or prefer the company of adults. In age-based classrooms, these differences can lead to misunderstandings, isolation, and anxiety.

• Sensory Processing Issues

Schools are sensory-rich environments—loud cafeterias, echoing gymnasiums, fluorescent lights, crowded hallways. For kids with sensory sensitivities, it can be too much. The resulting overwhelm makes it hard to learn, focus, or self-regulate.

• Nutrition and Interoception

Many of our kids struggle with interoception—understanding internal body signals. They might not recognize hunger, overeat without realizing, or crave sugar excessively. These issues can affect behavior and learning, especially when blood sugar levels are out of balance.

• Language and Communication

Even if a child seems verbal, they may struggle to understand language (receptive) or express thoughts (expressive). They may repeat what you said but not comprehend it. Social cues, body language, humor, and sarcasm can all be confusing for literal thinkers.

• Slower Processing Speed

Children with slower processing often can't respond quickly in class discussions or follow fast-paced, multi-step instructions. They’re not ignoring you—they simply need more time.

• Learning and Memory Difficulties

Short-term memory challenges can make reading, spelling, and memorization feel impossible. FASD is the leading preventable cause of learning disabilities worldwide.

• Concrete Thinking and Abstract Concepts

Time and money are abstract—and confusing. Why is one $20 bill worth more than four quarters? What does "next week" mean to a child who lives in the now?

Executive Dysfunction in Action

Executive function challenges make learning—especially in traditional classrooms—overwhelming. These kids may:

• Act impulsively

• Struggle with organizing or completing assignments

• Melt down during transitions

• Forget instructions

• Need frequent redirection

• Appear inattentive when they’re actually overwhelmed

Invisible Disabilities and Secondary Symptoms

FASD and similar conditions are often “invisible disabilities”—you can’t see them, so the behaviors get misinterpreted as willful defiance or disrespect. When these children are punished instead of supported, secondary symptoms often emerge:

• Anxiety and depression

• Fatigue and overwhelm

• Frustration and rage

• Social isolation

• Low self-esteem

• School avoidance or refusal

Accommodations Are Support, Not Special Treatment

FASD, ADHD, and trauma-related differences are physical, brain-based disabilities. Accommodations aren’t “giving in”—they’re necessary supports, just like ramps for a wheelchair user.

Supporting a child across all environments—school, home, and community—makes the biggest difference. Here’s how that might look:

Real-Life Example

A teacher assigns homework verbally as the bell rings. A student with FASD—who has processing delays and executive dysfunction—can’t write it down while packing up and transitioning.

He asks the teacher to “give him the assignment,” meaning write it down. The teacher insists he already did—by saying it out loud. Frustrated and unable to explain his need clearly, the student slams his hands on the desk and is suspended.

This situation could have been avoided with a simple accommodation: written instructions provided earlier in class or through a handout. The student even had an IEP—but it wasn’t followed.

Strengths-Based Accommodations

Symptom	Accommodation
Visual learner	Use visual aids, diagrams, written instructions
Slower processing	Allow extra time to respond or complete work
Concrete thinker	Use hands-on activities and real-life examples
Needs external structure	Provide one-on-one support and reminders
Sensory sensitivity	Allow noise-canceling headphones or movement breaks

Focus on Strengths

Every child has strengths and interests. Build around those!

One of my sons loved Legos as a child. In middle school, he built birdhouses with his dad. In high school, he entered a welding program. Today, he works in construction and repairs small engines. He’s a hands-on learner—and by honoring that, he’s thriving.

If It’s Not Working—Fix It

If your child is struggling, ask:

• Do they have a trauma history?

• Were they exposed to substances in utero?

• Do they show primary or secondary symptoms?

  
  

If yes, it’s time to take a brain-based approach.

Learn how their brain works. Focus on strengths. Adjust the environment. Implement accommodations. And advocate—relentlessly—when needed.

If your child is showing signs of trauma or FASD, reach out to your healthcare provider or therapist—ideally one trained in FASD. You can also explore free resources on the AFC Journey section of our website.

In my next post, I’ll explore the pros and cons of various schooling options—public, private, and homeschool—and how to decide what’s best for your child.